It can be difficult to find a partner if you are gay, bi, lesbian or transsexual.
You can never be sure who is gay, in most cases.
Some people think the way a person acts is a dead giveaway, unfortunately I can tell you this is definitely not the case.
From my personal experience you have to watch them and ask suggestive questions that other gay people would click on to. However if they aren't that bright you simply have to ask them.
Now if you get it wrong and they are straight.. well I am very sorry.
From my experience however they will be edgy for a while and avoid being too close and then after awhile they realize that you aren't going to jump them and you become closer because you shared something special with them.
The only way I found people is through suggestion and referral as I am a closet gay at this stage. If you are an open gay it makes life a little easier as all the closet gays know you are there.
However when you are thinking about getting into a relationship please remember it is different than heterosexual relationships because there are two males or females. You will have to learn how to hang out with, live with and love that person.
It will be a learning curve but I am sure it will pay off.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Is this who you are? Are you gay, lesbian or bi?
(for the sake of simplicity I will say "gay" in place of lesbian and bi)
How do you know?
It's always a hard question to answer, you may spend time being unsure, or in denial.
If this is you I can happily inform you that it doesn't last long... really.
However whether you are confused for a long time or a short time comes down to some factors, such as your
Be careful, just because someone says "you're gay" or you get asked a lot does not make you gay. You are gay if you find the same sex attractive, if that is not you then, my friend you are straight.
Just because you don't fit the classic mould for a man or a woman in the way you act doesn't make you gay. There are many straight men who are very feminine in the way they are and there are many straight women who are very masculine in the way they are. It doesn't make them gay.
Whatever you are feeling the only thing I can say is take it very slow, take baby steps.
Don't just take the way you are feeling from one day to another as law. Some days you may feel ( excuse the language) "gayer" than other days, it doesn't mean you are gay, it's just the way you feel.
One thing I would say is if you become convinced that you are in fact gay don't rush out and do activities to make sure. Make friends with gay people, learn about the lifestyle you are going to take on and become comfortable in your skin. A website I use is www.thegyc.com, however I would suggest that you are very careful when using these websites, you do get your pervs and nasty people but aren't most social networking sites like that?
Something I learnt that made life more bearable during the "confirmation process" was to forget about it, just learn to love life as it is right now. Block all the horrible stuff and worry out.
I find the less you think about something the smaller the issue becomes.
My story
I was about 13 when I became aware that the urge to love guys as well as girls was there. It was a very distressing thought.
I come from a very christain family, one that is very homophobic. The thought frightened me.
At the time I was dating a lovely girl named Toni. I had to end it.
Being sexually confused and in denial wasn't easy. During the time of being single I had time to learn about myself. It was refreshing to have time to learn about myself. After about 1 year I had sorted through much of the problems and had discovered that I was bi. I wasn't thrilled about it but admitting that I was bi was liberating it made life so much simpler. Something that was really useful for me was making friends to gay people. My friend Phillip was pivotal in helping me accept my sexuality, being told that it was okay and feeling that I was understood was just wonderful.
Today I still deal with some problems of feeling bad but I feel better knowing I am being honest with myself about who I want to love.
If you have any questions yourself or you are a concerned parent email me on gaylifeinnewzealand@gmail.com
How do you know?
It's always a hard question to answer, you may spend time being unsure, or in denial.
If this is you I can happily inform you that it doesn't last long... really.
However whether you are confused for a long time or a short time comes down to some factors, such as your
- previous perceptions
- family
- friends
- religion
- location
- your personality.
Be careful, just because someone says "you're gay" or you get asked a lot does not make you gay. You are gay if you find the same sex attractive, if that is not you then, my friend you are straight.
Just because you don't fit the classic mould for a man or a woman in the way you act doesn't make you gay. There are many straight men who are very feminine in the way they are and there are many straight women who are very masculine in the way they are. It doesn't make them gay.
Whatever you are feeling the only thing I can say is take it very slow, take baby steps.
Don't just take the way you are feeling from one day to another as law. Some days you may feel ( excuse the language) "gayer" than other days, it doesn't mean you are gay, it's just the way you feel.
One thing I would say is if you become convinced that you are in fact gay don't rush out and do activities to make sure. Make friends with gay people, learn about the lifestyle you are going to take on and become comfortable in your skin. A website I use is www.thegyc.com, however I would suggest that you are very careful when using these websites, you do get your pervs and nasty people but aren't most social networking sites like that?
Something I learnt that made life more bearable during the "confirmation process" was to forget about it, just learn to love life as it is right now. Block all the horrible stuff and worry out.
I find the less you think about something the smaller the issue becomes.
My story
I was about 13 when I became aware that the urge to love guys as well as girls was there. It was a very distressing thought.
I come from a very christain family, one that is very homophobic. The thought frightened me.
At the time I was dating a lovely girl named Toni. I had to end it.
Being sexually confused and in denial wasn't easy. During the time of being single I had time to learn about myself. It was refreshing to have time to learn about myself. After about 1 year I had sorted through much of the problems and had discovered that I was bi. I wasn't thrilled about it but admitting that I was bi was liberating it made life so much simpler. Something that was really useful for me was making friends to gay people. My friend Phillip was pivotal in helping me accept my sexuality, being told that it was okay and feeling that I was understood was just wonderful.
Today I still deal with some problems of feeling bad but I feel better knowing I am being honest with myself about who I want to love.
If you have any questions yourself or you are a concerned parent email me on gaylifeinnewzealand@gmail.com
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