Do I have to like fashion and hold my hand funny?

Okay, now this is a bizzare question... but perfectly valid.

Just because you are gay, lesbian or bi you don't have to change a single thing about you.
The world we live in likes to create these little boxes, traditionally and lovingly known as 'stereotypes'

Stereotype: a noun
Sociology. a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning and held in common by members of a group: The cowboy and Indian are American stereotypes.

I am assuming most of us developed a terrible perception of being gay / lesbian when we were living at home with our parents and they were telling us about how they were ( for men) very feminine, talked funny, always horny, nasty people, liked fashion or interior decorating...
This is wrong.. Not all gay people are trying to be the sex opposite to them, or are going to automatically act a bit like them. Many gay people find these stereotypes boring and insulting. As GDProphetXVII says in one of his youtube videos. In a homosexual relationship there are two men or two women, there is no woman or no man in these relationships. People need to be mindful of this, and also that gay people are original like anyone else.

Just because you happen to like the same sex doesn't mean you have to be anything. You have just as much control over your life as any other person.


I personally always find it very funny when someone brings up a stereotype because they often defy all logic. One thing that gets to me is the idea that gay people choose to be gay to get attention, or again that they are all interior designers.. this is so rediculous that I usually just laugh.. and occassionally I get the " what's so funny?".. and I have to ask them.. " you don't know? ". Seriously if we were all interior designers, the economy would be in a fairly terrible place.


So you are starting to dig through the crap that is homosexual stereotypes, remember you are you.. The stereotypes may just happen to be something that you happen to do.. but they aren't you.


You don't have to:

• wear pink
• go to gay clubs
• have only gay friends
• have a great deal of promiscuous sex ( unless you want to)
  
• talk in a high pitch
• love fashion
• be anorexic
• listen to Miley Cyrus ( this is seriously a stereotype )
• hold your hand funny

You just have to be whatever you feel you want to be.. cheesy but profoundly true :)
**kk peace out!**

Living life in an oppressionist society

Okay so it's an odd title.

However in my life things are anti. At the school I currently attend, which is male only, it is a commonly known 'fact' that there are no gay guys.
This was odd for me to hear as I am about 85% gay ;).

So how can it be the there are no gay guys yet there is at least me and maybe another 3 guys I know of that currently attend who are like me or completely gay..
Then it made sense. The Headmaster is afraid.

It all suddenly made sense. The whole time at school every time the arts council tried to do something it was shut down but rugby was always on the table. Every time a LGBT awareness type group tried to grow it failed due to ' impossible circumstances'.

A friend of mine who left the school this year was discussing the possibility of trying to start the awareness group for young gays again, the answer from the principal was 'there are no gay people at our school' :O

So my goal for next year is to be a huge supporter of things that promote equal rights for everybody. However if I have forces like that to recon with, I have a big fight on my hands.. which I must win.

God and Gays.

Does God hates gays?

Now this all depends on your idea of God...

However, in my opinion God does not dislike gays. Reason?
Well according to other religions and belief processes being gay isn't a huge problem.
Wicca: There are no specific rules against homosexuality.
Hinduism: Not a definite no, very controversial but the Karma Sutra states that it is okay
Buddhism: Again not a definite no and varies according to where you live, in western nations it is excepted.

So the reason I believe that God loves gays is because many Christians are also gay. I myself am a bisexual christian and I know that I am loved by him.
Also life is very much how you view it, why would God create people if he wasn't going to love thing about them and go to the point of hating them!? God is supposed to be all love, does it make sense if he loves everyone INCLUDING murderers and rapists but not gays and lesbians?
So I decided that God must love me because I am blessed everyday :).

Now, if you have an opinion please write to me. gaylifeinnewzealand@gmail.com

Codependent Relationships

Do you reside in a codependent relationship?

As a bisexual man I have to say on both sides of the street codependency is a problem.
You may be asking what is that, what is codependency? Codependency is when you feel like you NEED someone even when you aren't happy together.

Codependency is actually an unhealthy living situation where the members of the relationship believe that their partner is there to fulfill all their emotional needs. This is not a good thing at all as you have two people feeling less than emotionally fulfilled trying to reach into the other person and grab what they need.

If you are in a codependent relationship you have limited choices, you can

1. End the relationship
2. Try and fix the problem
3. Or pray for a miracle
   

If you are in a codependent relationship and wish to fix it, the two members must sort out their emotional baggage, then fill themselves to fullness so then you can both overflow with your surplus of love and understanding, two people in emotional deficit does not create on complete person. Two emotionally filled and satisfied people can build a life that they dreamed of.

If you have any questions about codependency talking to your councilor, mental health professional or checking the internet may help.

Need Help?? Try this link
http://www.lifeworkscommunity.com/programmes/Individual-Programmes/codependency.asp

Long Distance Relationships.

Okay so it's not strictly gay then..
Admittedly however it is harder for gay and lesbian couples to hold a relationship together as there is usually less or no support from family and friends.

Now I am bit a novice when it comes to long distance relationships so I will need so input from readers so as to update this and make if more interesting ( gaylifeinnewzealand@gmail.com ).

I will tell you something that only a select few people know.

I am currently dating a wonderful guy Chris we got together on Valentines Day, I am nervous about going to live with him so far away from home. I seem to be able to find any possible reason to be worried about the relationship... It would be really nice if someone could send me and advice email :)

When your looking for a new partner

It can be difficult to find a partner if you are gay, bi, lesbian or transsexual.
You can never be sure who is gay, in most cases.
Some people think the way a person acts is a dead giveaway, unfortunately I can tell you this is definitely not the case.
From my personal experience you have to watch them and ask suggestive questions that other gay people would click on to. However if they aren't that bright you simply have to ask them.

Now if you get it wrong and they are straight.. well I am very sorry.
From my experience however they will be edgy for a while and avoid being too close and then after awhile they realize that you aren't going to jump them and you become closer because you shared something special with them.

The only way I found people is through suggestion and referral as I am a closet gay at this stage. If you are an open gay it makes life a little easier as all the closet gays know you are there.

However when you are thinking about getting into a relationship please remember it is different than heterosexual relationships because there are two males or females. You will have to learn how to hang out with, live with and love that person.
It will be a learning curve but I am sure it will pay off.

Is this who you are? Are you gay, lesbian or bi?

(for the sake of simplicity I will say "gay" in place of lesbian and bi)

How do you know?

It's always a hard question to answer, you may spend time being unsure, or in denial.
If this is you I can happily inform you that it doesn't last long... really.
However whether you are confused for a long time or a short time comes down to some factors, such as your

• previous perceptions
• family
• friends
  
• religion
• location
  
• your personality.

Be careful, just because someone says "you're gay" or you get asked a lot does not make you gay. You are gay if you find the same sex attractive, if that is not you then, my friend you are straight.
Just because you don't fit the classic mould for a man or a woman in the way you act doesn't make you gay. There are many straight men who are very feminine in the way they are and there are many straight women who are very masculine in the way they are. It doesn't make them gay.

Whatever you are feeling the only thing I can say is take it very slow, take baby steps.
Don't just take the way you are feeling from one day to another as law. Some days you may feel ( excuse the language) "gayer" than other days, it doesn't mean you are gay, it's just the way you feel.
One thing I would say is if you become convinced that you are in fact gay don't rush out and do activities to make sure. Make friends with gay people, learn about the lifestyle you are going to take on and become comfortable in your skin. A website I use is www.thegyc.com, however I would suggest that you are very careful when using these websites, you do get your pervs and nasty people but aren't most social networking sites like that?

Something I learnt that made life more bearable during the "confirmation process" was to forget about it, just learn to love life as it is right now. Block all the horrible stuff and worry out.
I find the less you think about something the smaller the issue becomes.

My story
I was about 13 when I became aware that the urge to love guys as well as girls was there. It was a very distressing thought.
I come from a very christain family, one that is very homophobic. The thought frightened me.
At the time I was dating a lovely girl named Toni. I had to end it.
Being sexually confused and in denial wasn't easy. During the time of being single I had time to learn about myself. It was refreshing to have time to learn about myself. After about 1 year I had sorted through much of the problems and had discovered that I was bi. I wasn't thrilled about it but admitting that I was bi was liberating it made life so much simpler. Something that was really useful for me was making friends to gay people. My friend Phillip was pivotal in helping me accept my sexuality, being told that it was okay and feeling that I was understood was just wonderful.
Today I still deal with some problems of feeling bad but I feel better knowing I am being honest with myself about who I want to love.

If you have any questions yourself or you are a concerned parent email me on gaylifeinnewzealand@gmail.com

Is this who you are? Are you gay?